Power button switched to 'activate', the CD player clicked into action, volume flipped to 10. A moment's silence as the TV was set to mute, a calm before the storm. Coby Bryant took it to the hole in stealth mode and dunked over a hapless Clippers defence, Laker girls shaking their thing on the sidelines. Patrick stood, smiling, by the stereo waiting for KoRn to jumpstart the night. 'It's on baby. It's so fuckin' on!'

Charlie stuck his head out from behind his bedroom door just as the music kicked in. Patrick was doubled over thrashing his head up and down, one hand gripped on his waistline holding up his combats and the other on his glasses. Unfortunately Charlie's apartment wasn't as big as Patrick's and the chance of Patrick doing some GBH to himself was high. Charlie hopped into his pants, wrestled himself into his hooded sweater, threw his cap on and was ready. Some Boss sprayed on put the icing on the cake.

JD was waxing angry and Patrick was in full 'I know what the fuck you mean!' effect when Charlie grabbed the remote and kicked the volume down to 7. Patrick came up for air, all ruffled, red faced and shit. 'Damn C, I was jammin'.'

'Nah, Pat. John Davis was jammin'. You were just the freak on a leash.'

Charlie went into the kitchen as Patrick straightened himself out and sat down in one of Charlie's lazy chairs. 'So Pat, what's this you sayin' 'bout a shake down today?'

Patrick flipped out the footrest and reclined back, sighing content to boot. 'Shit man, it was a fuckin' trip, no doubt.'

Charlie opened a drawer and pulled out a Star Wars lunch box. Flipping it open he took out a couple of joints and small sadee filled to the brim with G-O. From another press he grabbed a mirror and a stolen American Express Gold Card. Taking it all over to where Patrick was sitting he put it on a small coffee table and sat down in the other lazy chair. Patrick sat up. 'Word C! This is just what the doctor ordered.'

Patrick was about to launch himself into the spread laid out in front of him, but Charlie intervened: 'I'll do the cookin', you hit me with the story.'

'Oh shit yeah. That's cool.'

Patrick again flipped out the foot rest and reclined back. 'So anyways, we meet up with Bedford, and he's all hyped - the boy was bubblin'. We kicked it in his ride to 7th and Holmes and stopped outside this Korean grocer shop. So I'm thinkin' this is some sorta chink shake down. I couldn't have been more wrong. The three of us got out of the car, I'm taken my lead from Coren and Bedford. I figure I'm just the pretty face in this operation - Coren and Bedford were there for the muscle.'

Charlie, listening all the time, didn't take his eyes off the mirror and the job at hand. Finished cutting up the speed into four snow white lines, he slid a fiddy from out of his wallet and rolled it up. He looked up at Patrick and motioned first preference to him. Patrick was all like 'Me? Why thank you sir.'

Charlie handed him the fiddy - 'In style my man.'

Patrick replied in kind: 'In style, no diggety - no doubt!'

With the fiddy making the connection, Patrick FedEx'd that shit same day delivery to his brain. 'Damn, [shaking his head and squeezing his nose] now we livin' large!'

He passed the fiddy back to Charlie who unrolled it, dusted off the edges and prepared for take-off. Patrick stared at him. Charlie paused. 'What's up?'

'Nuttin'.'

'You wanna keep breakin' it down for me then?

Patrick looked puzzled. 'You're story?!' Charlie said, look of amazement and all. The penny dropped. 'Yeah. So, Korean shop and crossin' the street. [Pause] Yeah! Now I'm with it. [He sits up in the chair as Charlie goes live] Bedford's all mysterious and shit, not comin' across with what I need to know and Coren's all like on a need to know basis with me. She said some shit like 'plausible denial'. What's with that?'

Charlie, maxin' out in the lazy chair, rubbed his nose and shrugged his shoulders. Patrick continued: 'We're standin' outside this swank apartment block and Bedford's checkin' out the names on the buzzer. He points to one of the tags: 'Preston' and smiles at Coren. She presses the buzzer and waits for a reply. She buzzes again before some girl says "Who there?" Bedford steps up to the plate: "You're daddy bitch. Where's Preston?" "He's on your mamma and she won't be home in time for dinner."'

Patrick stood up, went over to the sink and filled a glass with water. 'Bedford must've been pretty pissed,' Charlie said laying out the second and final round for Patrick. Patrick took a gulp of water, then spilt some into his hands and held it to his nose while he tried to clear the system. Gurgle noises and bubbles: not a pretty sight, but necessary for the situation at hand. 'Yeah, man, Bedford was one agitated paesano. No patience, so he's all: "Open the door bitch. I'm here with Preston's payload, and maybe a little somethin' for you if you treat me good".'

Patrick walked back into the living room and sat down, slouching in the chair, deep breaths and gurning. 'So the buzzer buzzes and in we go, silent elevator ride up the 3rd floor. Then Bedford pulls me aside, gettin' all life and death on me. "Patrick, when we get in there, you take the girl and keep her locked up. Keep her quiet and locked up. You got that?" I'm noddin' in the positive cos I don't know what else to do. Then shit gets heavy: Bedford reaches inside his jacket, pulls out a 9mm and hands it to Coren. She's cockin' the hammer, poker face switched on. Before I can say anythin' Coren's knockin' on the door and Preston, this preppy lookin' faggot. He's zipping up his pants openin' it. Bedford, as soon as the door is open is swingin', Preston copped the first blow square in the nose, face split, blood pumpin'. Shit was intense.'

Charlie was on the edge of his seat as Patrick paused to hook up his second line: straight shootin' this time - no fuss no mess, and straight back into the story. 'Coren's crashin' over Preston who's lyin', balled on the floor. She's bum rushin' this guy on the couch who's slidin' on a pair of boxers. They were up to somethin' that was most definitely not kosher. So I'm caught up in all this, followin' Smokey and the Bandit through the door lookin' for the girl. Bedford, who disappeared once inside, came out of the kitchen draggin' this cutie by the hair, and he's all "I'm gonna give you somethin' large baby, you just sit tight" and he threw her at me, pointed the gun [all hand actions] and told me to get her into the bedroom.'

Charlie finished off the goey, lit one of the joints, toked deeply and passed it to Patrick. Charlie sank into the lazy chair, all smiles and mellowness. Patrick continued: 'I'm amazed, stunned even, but this girl is all like this happens every day. I'm hearin' some sick ass screams comin' from the livin' room. There was a whole lotta pain bein' dished out in there. So into the bedroom I go with this girl, Casey. I close the door and she goes over to the wardrobe, so I'm getting' a little nervous. She turns to me: "You wanna smoke?" So we sit down and she's tellin' me how this Preston guy pays her to watch him do it with other guys. Sometimes she has to jerk the other guy off, and he pays her extra for that. Easy money's what she said. The fact that Bedford was tearin' strips outta Preston in the next room didn't seem to matter none. She didn't ask me my name or what was goin' on or nuttin'. Then she goes "You wanna do it?"'

Charlie laughed. 'Fuck off? No way!

' 'Way!'

'So what'd you do?'

'Coren walked in and said we were splitsville.

' 'Damn, lucked out big time. So what was the shake down?'

'Preston invited Bedford to a private soiree last night and Bedford was not down with switch hittin'. They were both at Jackson's and I guess Preston had a cravin' for a large amount of lovin'.'

'So what did Bedford do to him?'

'Slapped him around a bit, put the gun to his balls and threatened to blow them off, that type of shit, and Coren played 'hide the barrel' with the pansy in the boxer shorts.'

'Damn, and the girl?'

'I dunno. We just left. Did anything happen at work today?'

'Naw, got laid, set up deal, nuttin' important.'

Patrick started laughing. Charlie joined in. 'So we gonna hit the 'L' C?'

'You know it. Let's rock.'

^