Flatcat Freddy

She loved the way cats licked themselves clean with their raspy tongues. Preening and purring. Grooming and tailwagging. She admired the way their elegant whiskers gauged a gap.

She was fascinated by the way their eyes shone in strong light, and the way that they twitched and moved their ears. Agnes couldn't do that, no matter how she tried. She hadn't the muscles for it. She admired their eyebrows, whiskers and the hairs on their cheeks which all helped the cat to be silent by avoiding collisions. Agnes often knocked into things and found it difficult to be quiet.

But, no matter how much she loved them, she couldn't have a cat in her house. Her mother was allergic to their fur. Her mother always knew when there was a cat around. She would begin to sneeze, gently at first. Her eyes would become itchy and watery and her nose would run. She would sneeze... and sneeze... and sneeze. In threes.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.

So instead having a real cat, Agnes developed a hobby of collecting cattish things. Her room was full of them. There were cats on her clothes, cats on her carpet and cats on her curtains. There were cats on the mantelpiece, and cats on the walls. In the kitchen, she had cat mugs, a cat fork, a cat spoon, and a cat knife. To please Agnes, her mother bought a cat door-knocker and the doorbell was the sound of a cat's miow.

And, of course, Agnes had books on cats. She read stories about medieval witches' cats on broomsticks. She read that in Africa, cat skins were used for cloaks for royal princes and princesses. In ancient Egypt, where tabby cats originated, a cat-headed goddess was worshipped. Agnes had books about pedigree cats and wild cats. She read about bobcats, lions, jaguars, pumas, mountain lions and jaguarundi. But mostly she read about ordinary domestic cats.

One day, when out shopping with her mother, Agnes saw a beautiful blue rug. The best part of the rug was its pattern, a large colourful cat. The cat was in rich tones of blues, greens, pinks, and reds. The woollen cat lay on its tummy, front legs stretched out beyond its ears, back legs alongside its bushy tail. It had big spots on its back becoming smaller as they ran on to its legs and down towards its tail. The flat cat lay lengthways on the mat.

She persuaded her mother to buy the rug and she put it beside her bed. It felt soft beneath her bare feet. She named the cat Flatcat Freddy and was always careful not to stand on him when getting into or out of bed.

But she still longed for a cat of her own. At night, she would snooze and dream of cats; longhaired and smooth, blue persians with orange eyes; striped, tortoiseshell and piebald tabbies; pure white persians with deep blue eyes; black persians with copper eyes. She dreamed of marmalade cats, shell cameo cats and, even the odd wildly spotted ocelot.

One Saturday morning when Agnes got up, Flatcat Freddy had disappeared. There was no cat on the rug. The blue background was all that remained on the rug. No cat. It was odd. She searched and called for him. Under the rug, under the chairs, down the stairs, under the bed. She couldn't find him anywhere.

She heard her mother sneeze in threes.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
She must be getting a cold.

Agnes looked up flat cats in one of her books to see if they had favourite hiding places. The only reference she could find was to a certain kind of flatheaded cat which ate fruit and sweet potatoes instead of meat. It didn't have a flat body like Freddy though. It seemed he was unique.

She searched the house again before she went to bed but there was no sign of him anywhere. Next morning, the cat was back on the mat. Agnes was delighted to see him and stroked his woollen spotted back gently as she welcomed him back.

From then on, Flatcat Freddy and Agnes would play hide and seek. He would hide and she would seek. Agnes would call and search for him but, at first, could never find him. The floppy flat cat could roll, undulate or slither like a sidewinder snake. He could slip between floorboards and behind wallpaper. The nomadic cat could slide flatly under doors. He could move, unfettered by convention, between rug and towel, cushion and duvet, quilt and coat. It was no wonder he was difficult to find.

If he was in a particularly good hiding place, and it was taking Agnes a long time to find him, his edges would curl up, like the corners of a stale sandwich. Agnes learned to locate him by the shadows cast by his curled tail or toes.

To make the game more fun, Freddy learned to change his surface colours to blend in with his surroundings, like a chameleon or a squid. Flatcat Freddy could match the wallpaper, or the carpet, or the wardrobe door or the duvet. It became even more difficult to find him. If he sensed that Agnes was getting tired of looking for him, he would move slightly as she approached. She would giggle and pounce on him with delight. Flatcat Freddy would laugh in his monotonous way. They became good companions.

One evening, after searching for him unsuccessfully for a while, she did some tidying in her room, dusting, putting away her clothes and ordering her books. She picked up a cushion from her armchair and gave it a vigorous pummelling to fluff up its feathers. Suddenly there was Freddy, full-bodied and rounded, standing surprised on the floor. He had dozed off while hiding on the surface of the cushion. Freddy blinked. Agnes blinked.

Mother sneezed.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
In threes.

The now fat and roundy Freddy loped through the house, needing to use the doors. He had to learn that as long as the door or window was open by the width of his whiskers he could fit through the space. The convex cat was happy to be full-bodied and rounded again.

Agnes' mother was not so pleased. She would sneeze in threes.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.

But, when she realised how happy Agnes was and how much fun Flatcat Freddy and Agnes had together she agreed that he could stay. Freddy had to promise to flatten himself immediately when she sneezed in threes.

Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.

As Flatcat Freddy spent more time in the round, Agnes' mother gradually ceased to sneeze in threes.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo... aaaaachooooo... aaaaachhhoooooooo.

She sneezed in twos,
Achoo..aaaaachhhoooooooo.
Achoo…aaaaachhhoooooooo.

Achoo.. aaaaachooooo
Achoo.. aaaaachooooo

Then in ones.
aaaaachooooo

Everyone was happy.

Biography

Sheila Gorman has been writing for over 15 years. Her work has been published and broadcast both in Ireland and abroad. She is currently working on a screenplay.